Before Period–Day 24.

Moon:  Waxing Gibbous

Flow/Texture:

Mood:  swingy

Symptoms:  short temper, impatience, tears, joy, bloating, that sickening “it’s here” feeling

Mucus:  stingy, white, creamy, normal taste/smell

I unleashed one instance of the temper completely–hurt some feelings, now experiencing regret.  The other was subtle and may or may not have been detected.  Overall, I did a good job restraining and soothing it.  I had New Age nature music playing for most of the day.  I actually like it.

The joy came after I cleaned my makeshift altar “support.”  I gave it something of a ritual cleansing and felt almost as I did after yesterday’s meditation.  I didn’t see that coming at all.  I reread the sixth teaching of the Gita and made note of Krishna’s meditation directions.

At this point I’m feeling somewhat overwhelmed by him.  I see him taking over, leaving no room for goddesses, particularly Oshun.  I almost don’t mind, but there are parts of me that won’t allow it.  For now, I’m his or actually the Divine’s, somewhat.  This is how I find myself referring to the eternal spirit or, whatever it is.  I’m still working how to identify with it.

The concept of oneness brought the waterworks.  The ability to see everything in the divine and the divine in everything is supposed to conquer thoughts of loneliness.  It’s beautiful, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.  The birds that constantly hop, flutter, chirp, squawk, and peck compel me to ponder this.  Somehow, I must believe the bird, being part of the divine, is part of me just as I’m part of the bird.

Christ, I still can’t believe I’m seriously thinking about this stuff.  Two months ago I was an atheist.

Before Period–Day 24.

Moon:  Waning Gibbous

Flow/Texture:

Mood: calm

Symptoms:  headache

Mucus:  stingy cervix, white, creamy, normal taste/scent

I enjoyed the first day of the fast because I was allowed to focus on my tasks instead of what I was putting in my belly throughout the day.  I felt empty, light, and motivated.  With that in mind, I’d like to try it perhaps once a week.

While sleeping, I actually dreamed, which is rare for me, though I’m almost always guaranteed at least one dream during PMS.  In the dream, I’m walking through a familiar neighborhood.  I’m on my way to my grandmother’s house when I see a big, malicious looking dog.  The trip to Grammie’s house is postponed.

I turn go home and see policemen dragging some handcuffed kids to the police station–there are no police station’s in the actual neighborhood.  I walk passed, fearing one of the kids getting away even though the police woman dragging him is awesomely buff and tough-looking.

Two more kids come through a door that magically appears on the sidewalk and suddenly I’m in a tiny room with these kids and a bunch of other people.  There’s a movie on:  some kid tells an older woman that she’s pretty hot without realizing that she’s his great-grandmother.  Red face ensues.  One of the kids, who looks like a blond version of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, walks passed me.

For some reason, the kid brings out a special kind of violent rage in me.  I tell my sister how much I want to repeatedly punch him in the face. Yet, because he’s made of an impenetrable rubber which would bounce me back against the wall possibly breaking every bone in my body, I know it’s useless.

Automatically, I interpreted the dream as a symbol of impotent rage.  I have to laugh when I consider the sources for some of those dream images.  Even my interpretation comes the Bhagavad-Gita:  In the beginning, Arjuna refuses to fight and so, feeling dejected, he slumps down in his chariot.  Thus, he’s no longer standing erect.  Krishna calls this impotence.

In other news, I’ve finally admitted to myself that negative imagery and ideas harsh my mellow.  The day I was feeling sad and vulnerable was the day I saturated myself in the stuff.  Before the spiritual kick, this was a normal occurrence.  Now, on the days I limit myself to my books, meditation, and information gathering, I’m calm and much more susceptible to positive influences.

Common sense, I’m sure, but I hadn’t realized just how badly my typical time wasters affected me.  I took a peek at one and immediately felt drained and saddened.  I tried ignoring it, but it kept bashing me in the head, intruding on my good thoughts.  Jeepers.

Before Period–Day 24.

Moon:  Waning Gibbous

Flow/Texture:

Mood:  as low as it gets

Symptoms:  tears, headache, negative thoughts

Mucus:  really, white, watery, normal scent

What a shitty day.  Crying and bad thoughts all over the place and on such a beautiful day.  Music was the cure today.  Temporary, but hey.

I’m not getting into any details; I know the score.  I simply need port on reserve.

Before Period–Day 24.

Moon:  Waning Gibbous

Flow/Texture:

Mood:  fine

Symptoms:  bloating, soreness, pre-bleeding squick

Mucus:  oops.

I didn’t check, so I have no idea what state my mucus was in today.  I was a wee bit too excited about the cup.

Dang it.

I felt squicky practically all day, as though I were already bleeding.

Before Period–Day 24.

Moon:  Third Quarter

Flow/Texture:

Mood:  (right now: bored), fine

Symptoms:  nail-biting, a little lethargy, horn

Mucus:  virtually non-existent, white, normal scent, creamy

The barely-there mucus surely means the blood looms!

The nail-biting thing arrived late this time around.  Day 18 begs to differ.

Walked around with gutter head all day today, but oddly chose to ride it out.  I’ll take care of it later most likely.

On the whole, however, I didn’t experience much sex type thinking this month–had no real desire for sex, even.  I’ve just felt lots of  ‘meh.’

I need to restock the wine shelf.  It’s been too long since my glass has been merrily filled (and refilled).

I should get on the moon thing soon–no point in keeping track if I’m not going to use the information.

Patterns–if only I were more of forest type person instead of the trees type.

Before Period–Day 24.

Moon:  Waning Crescent

Flow/Texture:

Mood:  fine

Symptoms:  achy pelvis (right side)

Mucus:  soft, white, lotion-y, slightly stronger scent

During the excavation, it felt as though my cervix had moved upward slightly and to the left.

Other than that and some throbbing indicating an impeding flow, I’ve got nothing.

Before Period–Day 24.

Moon: Waxing Crescent

Flow/Texture: None

Mood: Fine

Symptoms: candy, nail biting, mental acuity

Mucus: light, slightly creamy, noticeable scent

Started late last night–biting my nails like crazy.  I finally remembered to rub some olive oil into my hands and the craving stopped.  I really have to keep that in mind.

My cooch didn’t produce much mucus today.  My finger was covered mostly in wetness, despite my having reached right to the source.

Last night, despite my lack of reading, I was typing some really good stuff.  The words came easily and were on target.

My period should be along any day now.