Second Day (Sept. 29).

Moon:  Waning Gibbous

Flow/Texture:  ¼ oz, dark red, elastic

Mood:  fine

Symptoms:  tiny cramping and bloating

Mucus:

Had some trouble with the cup.  It leaked twice.  I admit laziness and take the blame for the first time–I just couldn’t be bothered with checking the seal.  However, the second time–hm.  I guess my seal skills are lacking.  Right now, though, I’m perfectly comfortable.

I actually did that sneeze-squirt thing a few days ago–could be related.  My body does not like not working out.

The mornings are perfect for working out–no fear of dying from the heat, but these ridiculous hours and this thing are really just, ultimately, taking me out of life.  It’s going to be a while before things return to normal–assuming that it’s possible.

Ha, I pruned my plant today after fertilizing and watering her.  She’s inspiring–despite my ill treatment, she lives and blooms.  Hopefully, I’ll hop back on board soon.

First Day (August 10).

Moon:  Waxing Crescent

Flow/Texture:  free flow, dark red, elastic

Mood:  fine

Symptoms:  bloating, tiny headache, cramps, acne

Mucus:

My intentions:  beautiful, righteous, pure, enthusiastic, focused, every.  I wanted to be good this time around, detailing the happenings of  every day up til the first day, but the very things I wanted to report on kept me from it.

I saw anger more than anything along with cravings, a maddening libido,  negative thoughts coupled with a desire for physical self harm.  I can trace a line to a viable, curable source for each one but the last one.  I honestly don’t know what that’s about.

I stewed and moped quite a bit, but I’m still on the deutsch.  I’m attempting to maintain a well of resources that is consistent, repetitive, and entertaining.  It’s difficult not to skip completed exercises.  Repeating them keeps them fresh in my head.

I don’t have anything to say about my other neglected activities.  I don’t even know where they are or if they’re even inside me anymore.

According to my trackers, this is another 24-day cycle.  How crappy.  I don’t remember this ever occurring before.

Oh, my moonflower blooms beautifully and its scent is heavenly.  I broke the first bloom off by accident–enthusiasm can be destructive.  I’m not sure yet, but I do believe they bloom at night then curl inward to die in the morning.  The other seed I planted is growing nicely, too.

Third Day (July 19).

Moon:  Waxing Gibbous

Flow/Texture:  about ¼ oz, thick, chunky, dark red, brownish tint

Mood:  good

Symptoms:  none

Mucus:

Lighter than expected, though I shouldn’t be surprised considered the amount during day numero uno.  I’m just happy to feel good again.  The first day heavies and day-long cramping is newfangled occurrence that should become obsolete.

I would like to experiment with, er, try out calcium supplements in addition to my regular vitamins.  I’ve read that they’re good for such things.  Besides, I don’t think my body would mind an increased infusion of calcium.

My poor plant has become burdened with my projections.  I like the passive voice for things like this.  I feel absolved of any blame–Oh my, where in the world did those awful things come from, moon flower?  I personally am utterly clueless.

First Day (July 17).

Moon:  Waxing Crescent

Flow/Texture:  ¼ oz dark red, chunky, elastic

Mood:  irritable, sad

Symptoms:  cramps, bloating, quick temper, tears, headache, increased sense of smell

Mucus:

Started during the day and got progressively heavier as have the cramps.  Hitachi was my weapon of choice.  Temporary, but awesome relief–wowzer.

And to top it off, I’m a day early–what?  A day early, plus all these symptoms.

Yesterday, did P90x’ Cardio Intervals for the first time in eons all without taking a single break!  Tough, yet great workout, especially good for the legs.  No soreness.

My moon flower is growing wildly, twining with anything within its reach.  It’s beautiful.  Tending to it soothes me.

First Day (June 23).

Moon: Waxing Gibbous

Flow/Texture:  ¼ oz.  dark red, elastic, lining chunks, clear elastic mucus

Mood:  fine, considering

Symptoms:  bloating, all-day cramping, cravings, horn

Mucus:

One day late.

This week and part of last week are characterized by my gradual spiraling down:  spiritual apathy, cravings, and a progressive fraying of my nerves.  The past few days saw my libido turn dangerous–it’s good that I kept myself cloistered.

I miss the closeness I had begun to feel, but I believe I’ve lost it.  As a result, worthless desires won and, as always, I felt none too special or fulfilled by them.  Yesterday, I was caught in a self-destructive mindset, wanting nothing more than to harm myself:  knives and fire became fascinating.  I think I’ve discovered a link between my mental health and exercise.

Cravings were of the dairy and sugar persuasion and I’m sure those had nothing to do with these horrible cramps.  Oh boy, they lasted all freaking day.

I’m not sure if I’ll bother with the full moon ritual, but the gibbous has been beautiful these past few nights.  That it will be a lunar eclipse should mean something–I want it to.  Despite my apathy, I’ve been on the hunt for signs as to whether or not I should keep trying.

The Fourteenth Teaching gives the go ahead, as well as some newfound ideas about the Book of Genesis and Satan, and my readiness to tackle the Tao Te Ching–not that I wasn’t going to do that anyway.  I’ve discovered a possible convergence between it and the Gita, which I hope will provide for better context and understanding.

For my next attempt at the Bible, I’ll try the allegorical approach.  The literary/eww Bible approach has continued to fail me for the obvious reasons.

My menstrual flowers have become lovely ever-growing vines now.   (I fed them today.)  Just have to figure out where to put them.

Sixth Day (June 2).

Moon:  Waning Gibbous

Flow/Texture: remnant drops, watery, dark brown

Mood:  good, good

Symptoms: none

Mucus:

Same stuff.  Different day.  No reading.  No studying.  No meditation.

Along with myself, I’ll blame buying the additional candles.  Now, meditation won’t feel right until I have the proper cloth.  Pathetic, I know.  I briefly considered simplifying the business by lighting one or two candles and simply reading, but I talked myself out of that.

Seems I’m afraid of this type of pleasure or something.  I feel all the old, negative, unproductive thoughts and desires slithering their way back in.  Not good.

A new moon’s coming up in about ten days.  A good time for a new moon ritual.  Nevertheless, I can’t wait ten days to just read and meditate.  That’s just senseless laziness and I cannot abide it.

My plants are growing steadily and I think it’s time to put them in the ground.

Third Day (May 30).

Moon:  Waning Gibbous

Flow/Texture:  ¼ oz, thick, dark red, elastic, chunky bits

Mood: great

Symptoms:  none

Mucus:

I’ve got plants…and ants.  Eh, whaddya gunna do?

Nothing much else to report accept that I’ve slowly gathering my altar paraphernalia.  Bought lots of white candles and holders.  Probably should invest in a better lighter.

Ah, the Ninth Teaching went from being the worst to one of my favorites after a simple journal entry and a rereading.  Devotion to Krishna is the name of the game and that’s exactly what this chapter is about.

I was actually considering giving the whole thing up because of the third verse:

The whole universe is pervaded

by my unmanifest form;

all creatures exist in me,

but I do not exist in them.

That last line crippled my spirit.  Consequently, my reading of the rest of the chapter was tainted with saddened eyes and heart.  I wrote about it in my journal, but when I got to verse twenty nine for further justification (“I’m impartial to all creatures, / and no one is hateful or dear to me;”), a light bulb went off and a heartened rereading commenced and I felt so much better.  The last lines of that verse made it clear to me:  “but men devoted to me are in me, / and I am within them.”

Anyway, I have my candles set up on the support.  They look great, though I’m missing one–didn’t realize I’d need it.  I have no idea what I’m going to put on it and I’m clueless as to the type of altar it will be.  I don’t have much in the way of old, sentimental items.

I’ve got it!  Joy.  After thinking about it for a little while, I’ve added a few items:  my first bottle of Sheffield, a box of crayons, a Ticonderoga pencil (or a bunch), a shell, a shot glass from New Orleans, and the Amy Lowell poem “A Decade.”  Water as well–a pretty bowl or glass of water.

It’s a start.  I’ll see what happens after my first experience with it or when I feel as though I’ve got everything I need.  Still need a good cloth and I also like the idea of having a plant, both for clearing the air and daily maintenance–would have to change the water as well.

I’m wondering if I should construct a separate altar for Krishna.  I’m thinking a statue on this altar would work.

This site dedicated (devoted) to Bhakti Yoga looks good.  Yes, this is most inspirational and relevant to my interests.  Madhurya Bhava?  Hmm…  Now, I have conflicting ideas about the altar.

2nd Day (May 29).

Moon:  Waning Gibbous

Flow/Texture:  ½ oz, thick, elastic, dark red

Mood:  even, good, calm

Symptoms:  crampy

Mucus:

Cramps lasted until the early afternoon.  I woke up attempting the breathing exercises.  They worked for a little while, but in the end I gave in to the good touch.  BUT, I didn’t fantasize; I concentrated on my body–the warmth and the blood rushing to my bean.  Despite the unfocused brain, I eventually settled the cramps, but this didn’t last long, either.

Water and deep breathing throughout the day helped.  Water’s good because it sometimes feels as though it’s heading straight for the cramps to dissolve them.

I’ve got adorable sprouts and I nourished for the first time today.  I’m looking forward to seeing them tomorrow.

I got that ½ oz during the morning hours.  When I emptied the cup tonight, I had only a few drops.

Before Period–Day 23.

Moon:  Waxing Gibbous

Flow/Texture:

Mood:  fine

Symptoms:  cleaning-mode on, hungry brain

Mucus:  stingy, smooth, white, normal taste and scent elevated slightly

As far as not reporting in–I was sour.  However, I think it would have helped slightly–if only to refocus for a little while.

Cleaning mode was–odd.  For a good while, I actually couldn’t stop–I was compelled to organize stuff.  Still didn’t get all those wires untangled and hidden–ugh.

Experienced a good bout of meditation today.  Twenty minutes of converging my thoughts until they disappeared.  For me, hearing is the sense most susceptible to distraction; music is a necessary tool:  When I couldn’t focus on a mental candle flame, I turned my attention to the music–I somehow ended up thoughtless–a rare and beautiful thing.  I came away feeling strangely heavy and languid and yet open and eager.

Whereas before I had no desire to even look at the Gita–morning started off wrongly:  the heat is just not conducive to productivity–afterward, I was excited and ready to study.  If I haven’t said this before, I’m in love with this book.  Right now, it’s exactly what I should be reading.  I’ve had this book for years and I’m only now discovering its greatness.

One image I focused to during the meditation was one of me lying beside a rocky stream–I love water.  In one scenario I was simply lying there enjoying the cool, gurgling flow of the water.  In the other, I was doing the same except I was menstruating either while lying in the water or beside it as the moon glowed.  It was automatic–as soon as I thought of the moon, I began bleeding.  I do believe it was a full moon.

By the looks of it, I may actually start on a full moon.

Had to start over with the plant–the seeds don’t like regular dirt, so I’m giving miracle grow a shot along with more sparing doses of blood–when it comes.

After Period–Day 15.

Moon:  Waxing Gibbous

Flow/Texture:

Mood:  calm

Symptoms:

Mucus:  white, creamy lotion texture, normal taste/smell

I’ve got my seeds, a Moonflower [info], as if I could have purchased anything else, and I’m ready to plant them.  Apparently, this is a fragrant vine flower that blooms at night.  The blooms look very pretty.

I’ve got two pots also for an experiment of sorts.  I have to make sure I place them in direct sunlight, label, and water/fertilize them correctly.

Ok, I’m a little excited about this.  I’ll try to pot them up tomorrow then start reading and meditating.

I suddenly have the urge to make my own candles.